Won't Let You Go
by twstdtongue
Summary: Alternate 2x16 Ending: Bellamy refuses to let Clarke leave camp after rescuing their people at Mount Weather, even if he has to be forceful about it. (Protective Bellamy and hurt Clarke)[Bellarke]
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: I'm sorry that this isn't the best writing, but I was really inspired to write this story. Hope you all enjoy!**

"I think we deserve a drink," Bellamy stated as Clarke slowly approached him. She knew that this would be the last time that she would see him for a while and her slow pace reminded her how much she didn't want to leave him behind.

"Have one for me." Her voice was devoid of all emotion. It was empty. She knew that what she was about to do to Bellamy and all the others would devastate them, however dealing with the guilt was just too much.

"Hey, if we can get through this…" Bellamy started to say, but was soon cut off by Clarke.

"I'm not going in."

Bellamy's heart dropped. Maybe if he was persistent enough she would give in, though he knew that one of Clarke's most prominent traits was being stubborn.

"Look, if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven," he said as he looked into her deep and soulful eyes, remembering the words that she had once said to him.

Bellamy intently gazed into Clarke eyes and pleaded with her, " _Please_ come inside." He saw something in her eyes. Something different. They were overcome by darkness and changed from the bright and shiny ones that they once were.

"Take care of them for me," Clarke uttered dryly.

"Clarke…"

"No. Seeing their faces everyday is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here," Clarke insisted. She knew this would be the most painful goodbye of them all and Bellamy wasn't making it easy on her.

"What we did. You don't have to do this alone."

"I bear it so they don't have to," Clarke retorted. She could see the hurt and pain in Bellamy's dark eyes. Instead of this making her want to stay, it just reminded her of the hurt and pain that she caused for all of the people she murdered at Mount Weather. As much as she didn't want to leave Bellamy behind to deal with this on her own, he was as much, if not more, of a reminder of what had happened at the mountain.

"Where are you gonna go?" Bellamy asked, curious. He knew that he wasn't ever going to let his princess wander anywhere alone, especially in this unstable state of guilt.

"I don't know," Clarke said as she shook her head.

Clarke took a few steps towards Bellamy, who continued to look quite pained at her announcement of her sudden departure. Leaning towards him, she planted a quick kiss on his cheek, close to his jawline, before engulfing him in her arms. Bellamy couldn't believe that his was happening. He knew that Clarke was strong, but not strong enough to withstand an environment full of so many threats, not to mention the considerable guilt that would haunt her. It was not an option for him to let her go.

"May we meet again," said Clarke, as she, for a few more seconds, clung onto Bellamy. When Bellamy felt that Clarke was pulling away from the hug, he knew that he had to do something.

"No," he simply stated, as he grabbed her wrist, with a firm grip. Clarke looked at Bellamy, quite shocked, trying to pull her hand away from his grip.

"What do you mean 'no'?" she said as she continued to attempt to pry her wrist out of his hand. "Bellamy, let me go!"

"I can't do that. I won't do that," he steadily said, his voice not faltering. He needed Clarke to stay at camp and he needed her to believe that he wasn't going to let her go. "Just, please Clarke. You can't go."

In this moment, Clarke felt Bellamy's grip loosen slightly, which gave her enough of an edge to break free. She needed to escape from this moment. She couldn't afford to be weak. Taking off in the opposite direction, Clarke started to sprint away from Bellamy, but she was no match for him. He came up from behind her and locked his arms around her torso, where his head was positioned right on Clarke's left shoulder.

"Don't you _dare_ think about doing that again," he whispered slowly into her ear. Clarke could feel the sensation of his lips against her ear. Before Clarke could make another move, Bellamy lifted her off of the ground and carried her, over his shoulder, back to the camp entrance. She knew that no matter how hard she tried, she wasn't strong enough to break free of Bellamy's hold in this moment. She would get her chance though. Bellamy wouldn't be able to watch her and prevent her from escaping at all points of the day, so there would surely be a time where the opportunity would be perfect.

Bellamy continued to walk at a steady pace until he reached the Ark's makeshift prison, where he was once held when the Arkers first came down. The Ark must have much bigger priorities, because there was nobody currently being held in the room. When Bellamy put Clarke down, he still held her in a firm wrist-lock, which Clarke glared at him for.

Bellamy shook his head at her, disappointed at her for wanting to leave, but mostly he was relieved at the fact that she wasn't gone. She was right in front of him and that was all he needed. Before Clarke could make any sudden movements, Bellamy swiftly grabbed a roll of cordage that the Arkers used to restrain the prisoners. Clarke knew where this was going and she didn't like it at all. Unfortunately, Bellamy was standing just feet away from the doorway of the room, so it would be tough to escape. Bellamy's eyes were trained on the cordage as he untangled it, so it was now or never for Clarke to make her escape.

Clarke thought that she would catch Bellamy off guard by this sudden escape, but she thought wrong. Bellamy lunged in front of the door right before Clarke slammed into him and began pounding on his chest in frustration, so desperate to escape. His expression grew hard as he sustained the hard blows Clarke was lashing out at him, but eventually he grabbed Clarke's wrist once again and marched her over to the wall. There was a perfect pipe for him to tie her to and Clarke saw it too. Clarke gazed at Bellamy with pleading eyes as he forcefully grabbed her wrists and tied them to the pipe. Once that was finished, they were both frozen in time, just staring at each other.

Eventually Bellamy pulled back away from her, as she sat helpless in front of him. He felt bad for what he had done and it pained him to see Clarke like this, but he didn't regret it for one second. He needed to protect her from what she would be faced with in the coming months or even years. Letting her deal with the guilt alone? That would be criminal. He cared way too much for her to even think about doing that.

"I hope you know why I'm doing this," he said as he shifted his gaze away from her. He couldn't look at her as she sat so helplessly on the floor in front of him.

Clarke said nothing. Instead, an emotion of despair appeared on her face and Bellamy could see that her eyes were beginning to water. He had never seen Clarke cry before.

"Hey, hey, hey," he whispered in a soft tone as he leaned down to comfort her. When he placed his hand on her shoulder, Clarke felt reassured. She felt safe. Protected.

"Bellamy," she began to say as her voice broke, "I can't do this. I can't do anything. I can't face anyone."

"Clarke… You don't have to do anything or face anyone. It's just you and me. I know that these next few months or maybe years will be challenging. But we can do it together, just as we've done everything else on the ground. We've always done everything in our power to keep our people safe and now I'm gonna take care of you." Shortly after, Bellamy enveloped her into a hug.

Clarke returned the hug and in that moment, she knew that she could stop resisting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: This chapter focuses a lot on Clarke's guilt and how she is dealing (or not dealing) with it.**

 _Clarke wandered around aimlessly in the death ridden mountain. Hundreds of lifeless bodies littered the floor and all were covered with severe radiation burns. All of these people were in the midst doing their daily activities, whether that was dining, conversing, or just waiting around, when they dropped dead. Not instantly. They suffered a great deal as they undeservingly faced the pain of being burned by the radiation ridden air that encompassed them. But these people were innocent, they didn't deserve this._

 _Clarke sprinted down the empty halls, only they weren't empty. A mob of Mount Weather inhabitants ambled towards her and she was frozen in time, unable to move. Dante Wallace approached her first. Blood seeped out of a gunshot wound located in the middle of his chest as he looked at Clarke with a dour expression._

" _You've killed us Clarke. You are a murderer," the helpless elderly man exclaimed with hurt in his voice._

 _Clarke watched as the man instantly fell to the ground in front of her feet, fresh blood oozing out of his wound._

" _No… No…. I did what I had to do….," Clarke shakily pleaded. Her breathing began to become heavy as she was unable to turn and run, to escape from her problems as she so immensely desired to do._

 _The crowd of people meandered in Clarke's direction, all gazing at her with an innocent expression. Their once delicate skin was now scathed with radiation, touched with the act of desperation that she committed to free her own people._

 _The people were feet away from her._

" _What did we do to deserve this?"_

" _You killed hundreds of people."_

" _The blood is on your hands, Clarke."_

" _You killed Finn for nothing."_

" _You let a bomb explode on Tondc to save your own skin. You're a murderer."_

 _Remarks like these kept on escaping from the people, all of her internal thoughts kept on flooding out. It was nonstop. Clarke felt like she was drowning in her own guilt._

" _Stop! Just stop!" Clarke screamed. "I had no choice! Just leave me alone!"_

Clarke awoke to firm but gentle hands shaking her shoulder.

"Clarke? Clarke, wake up," a steady voice sounded as she slowly began to open her eyes.

As she opened her eyes, she saw Bellamy standing over her with a fixed expression.

"Bellamy? They never stop-," Clarke began to say, but was cut off by Bellamy.

"Shhh," he began to say in a hushed tone as he rubbed her shoulder soothingly. "It's alright Clarke. It was just a nightmare."

 _The millionth nightmare,_ Bellamy thought to himself as he watched Clarke gradually come to her senses as she awakened. It's been about two weeks since they freed their people from Mount Weather and Clarke was still plagued with daily nightmares. There wasn't one night when she hadn't had one, and the nightmares were all the same. Bellamy knew that Clarke would eventually get better and he was ready to be there for her when she needed him, but he was extremely meticulous about when he would step in; he didn't want to smother her so he only helped her when she truly needed her. But Bellamy knew that he had to be there when she was faced with these nightmares. He didn't know what she experienced in them and frankly, he didn't want to know how she was mentally suffering, because when she suffered, he suffered. So he waited by her bed every evening, since he knew that reliving the past was one of the most painful things that someone would have to go through and he had to be there to wake her from her suffering.

Clarke sighed as she found the inner strength to sit up. Her thin blankets were bunched up and disordered, reflecting the distress that she was facing in her sleep. She ran her hand through her disheveled blonde hair before she begrudgingly got out of her bed.

Bellamy watched as she performed robotic motions, appearing almost inhuman. There was nothing healthy about it, but at least she found the strength to get out of her bed. Just a week ago, she hadn't spoken to anybody but him and she refused to leave her room. She delegated the smallest room at camp to herself, again motivated by the desire to rid herself of her guilt.

"I'll be in my room if you need me," Bellamy muttered as he exited Clarke's room, wanting to give her privacy.

Clarke nodded as she watched Bellamy hasten out of her room.

xxx

The chilly morning air prickled at Clarke's skin as she exited what was left of the Ark. Her people had done surprisingly well with rebuilding it and making it useful when it crash landed, not to mention there was no life threatening oxygen problem.

Most people were in the midst of their work, trying to better the camp, but there was a tense air surrounding the people of the Ark. Whenever the subject of Mount Weather was brought up (which it rarely was), people tended to only express what was needed and moved on, avoiding the subject.

Clarke heard her name being called out as she turned around, surveying the scene of people to see who was beckoning her. It was Abby, her mother, who walked towards her at a steady pace. As Abby got close enough to her, Clarke could see her unfamiliar expression, which she knew would remain unchanged for a while. Ever since the bomb dropped on Tondc, Abby hadn't looked at Clarke the same way, no matter how hard she tried to mask and conceal her true feelings.

"Good morning Clarke," Abby stated, as her eyes scanned Clarke.

After a brief pause, Clarke returned her greeting.

"I wanted to ask how you were doing. I know it's only been-" Abby said before she was cut off by Clarke.

"I'm fine," Clarke replied in a rushed tone, not wanting to recall any more memories.

Clarke's abrupt answer bred some discomfort between the mother and daughter, but luckily the tense air was broken by Raven, who appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey Abby, I hope I'm not interrupting but I am asking this since you are chancellor. I was wondering if I could go fetch some water? The supply we currently have at camp is running a bit low," Raven explained.

"I thought that we just recently picked some up," Abby answered.

"Water here goes fast. Now that we have all of our people back…" Raven trailed off when she remembered Clarke was standing right next to her.

"Ok, I guess you could go. But it's only a simple mission to get some water and you have to come right back. Also, you'll need to have someone accompany you. I can't have you going into the forest alone," Abby instructed.

Clarke realized that this could be an opportunity for her to escape from the reminders of her actions, even if it was just for a few minutes.

"Hey Raven, could I come with you?" Clarke asked.

"Um sure, I guess you could. Are you sure you want to?" Raven asked.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Abby interjected.

"I haven't done anything for this camp for a few weeks and I want to feel useful again," Clarke pleaded.

Abby nodded as she began, "Ok, I guess that can be arranged. You two can leave right now, but be back in twenty minutes. If not, I am sending out a search party. Understood?"

Clarke and Raven nodded in unison.

xxx

"So why did you want to come out here?" Raven asked Clarke as they walked at a fast pace with large buckets swinging by their sides.

"I just wanted to feel useful. What about you?" Clarke asked Raven, genuinely curious.

"My leg. I decided it would be a good time to build up the strength to walk on it," Raven replied with a grim tone.

Clarke nodded as they approached the stream where they would fetch the water. They both took a few steps into the ice cold water, eventually ending up knee deep in it. Gingerly placing the bucket in the water, Clarke watched as slightly murky water filled the bucket. Of course it would need to be purified, but the iodine supply in medical would definitely take care of that.

"Hey Clarke," Raven began, "I just want you to know that if you need to talk, you can come to me. I know that-"

"Raven, stop," Clarke warned her in a hushed tone, her muted blue eyes fixed on a point in the distance. Raven followed her line of vision and immediately spotted a group of grounders, three of them, approaching them. These grounders were different. White war paint stood out from their scarred and worn faces.

"What do we do," whispered Raven as her fingers loosened from the water-filled bucket she was carrying, eventually letting it drop completely in the stream as she was overcome by fear.

"We run," Clarke forewarned as she quickly turned, but the pressure of the water made it hard for her to make swift movements. When she turned around, she saw two other grounders with the same war paint just feet away, and before she could do anything, one of the grounders slammed a rock hard into Raven's temple.

"No!" Clarke screamed as Raven fell into the water, unconscious. She felt her water laced body being picked up by one of the grounders, who was walking out of the stream with her. The other grounders followed suit as Clarke struggled to break free of the grounder's tight grip, but was unable to.

"What about her?" a grounder asked as he gestured towards Raven, who lay submerged in the water.

"Leave her. We only need Wanheda."

 **I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't very eventful, however the next chapter is going to be filled with action. We also get to see Bellamy's reaction and what he is going to do when he realizes Clarke is missing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** **Some trigedasleng is featured in this chapter, however I did not supply translations because I wanted to make the reader feel like he/she was in Clarke's position, who doesn't know what the grounders are saying.**

Bellamy stepped through the Ark's passageways, keeping his pace steady. When he caught a glimpse of the dull rose blanket that hung in front of Clarke's dwelling, acting as a door, he contemplated checking in on her. Bellamy noticed that the blanket was messily pushed to one side, which was different from the clean manner in which the blanket hung just fifteen minutes before.

"Clarke?" Bellamy asked in a gruff voice, awaiting an answer. When a few seconds of deafening silence had passed, he sighed and pushed the blanket out of the way, craning his neck so he could get a glimpse of the room. His heart dropped when he took in the sight of it. The room was empty. Clarke was gone.

Bellamy spun around and began to walk with his same steady pace, only much quicker. The thoughts in his mind were running wild and he couldn't seem to convince himself of the most practical explanation for her being gone. But somehow, his mind viewed Clarke wanting to reunite with her people as being far-fetched, since she had barely left her room ever since they returned from Mount Weather.

Bellamy noticed Abby and Kane having a conversation as he passed by medical. Normally, he would not think anything of it, but since Abby was Clarke's mother, she probably knew where Clarke was.

"I think we need to send backup," Abby told Kane. Bellamy stood by the entrance and listened in on their conversation, not wanting to interrupt, but also curious to know what they were talking about.

"Abby, it's only been ten minutes since they left. They probably haven't even made it to the stream yet," Kane responded.

"I don't know, Kane. Raven's got her bum leg and Clarke… I don't know," Abby began to say. "It was stupid to send them out there on their own. We should have at least sent one more person."

Bellamy almost did a double take when he heard her name. Were they actually talking about Clarke?

"If it was stupid to send them out there on their own, how come you did?" asked Kane with an accusatory tone. His eyes hardened, becoming stone, as he glared at Abby. Bellamy watched as this conversation became increasingly tense, but all he could think about was Clarke being outside the camp walls, where she was vulnerable, unsafe, and unprotected. When his mind ran through all of the possibilities as to why she would want to go outside now, of all times, he finally thought of one that may actually have been probable. She probably wanted to escape and leave camp, like she had attempted the day that they had come back from Mount Weather. Clarke probably waited those two weeks so that nobody would suspect anything. But why was she with Raven?

"She looked eager to help and I felt that it would be good for her to get some fresh air," Abby responded, returning Kane's icy glare. Even though she made the wrong call about sending Clarke outside the camp walls, Abby was definitely going to send backup, even if that meant going against Kane.

Bellamy wasn't exactly sure what the two adults were talking about, but he knew now that he had to intercept and find out.

"Where is she?" Bellamy demanded as he aggressively pushed the plastic drapes that covered the entrance to medical behind him.

Kane and Abby spun around, shocked by Bellamy's abrupt entrance. They watched Bellamy for a few seconds, whose expression was harsh and fists were clenched. His jaw ticked as he waited impatiently for an answer, but Kane and Abby were unable to formulate the words to tell him what had happened. They had noticed it, too. Ever since they had returned from Mount Weather, they had seen Bellamy's increased care and protectiveness of Clarke. They had noticed the way that he had looked at her when she was in her most broken state. Bellamy had not given up on her, even in her most dark moments, and they had noticed. All of this made it hard for Abby and Kane to tell Bellamy that Clarke was outside the camp walls, for they knew how upset he would be.

"Where _is_ she?" Bellamy repeated once more, both desperation and rage visible in his dark eyes.

"Bellamy…," Abby began to say but was cut off by Bellamy.

"Is she outside of these camp walls?" Bellamy asked, his eyes burning holes into Abby and Kane, who were just ten feet in front of him.

"Yes. She wanted to go with Raven to collect some water for the camp. We were running out and she wanted to help. But we're sending a team out to check on them. I realize now that it was a stupid idea," Abby explained calmly to Bellamy.

"You realized that now? She's not stable enough and I don't think she will be for a long time. What made you think that you could make that call?" Bellamy yelled with deep anger. "You haven't seen her," Bellamy said as he looked at the ground, shaking his head.

Again, Bellamy was greeted with silence when Abby didn't know how to respond.

"Where can I find her?" Bellamy asked, this time with a calmer tone.

"We sent her to the stream to get-" Abby started to say but was cut off by Kane.

"There is no way that you are going out there. We will send trained guards out there to check on the girls, but we are not risking _another_ life," Kane replied curtly, glaring at Abby.

In the midst of Kane's statement, Bellamy had already left. He knew where Clarke was and that was all the information that he needed to know.

xxx

"Hod op!" the grounder who had carried Clarke for the past few minutes shouted at the rest of the group. Clarke had been struggling with all of her might to escape, but the grounder had an iron grip on her. She had noticed, however, that the grounder's walking pace had slowed, so perhaps he was getting tired of carrying her.

When the other grounders came to a standstill, he said, with a grin on his face, "Get the rope." It was almost as if he had said that particular phrase in English just to scare Clarke.

As another grounder was getting out some worn rope, the grounder who was carrying Clarke slowly put her down. Clarke could feel his grip loosen just the slightest, so she took this opportunity to run off. It reminded her of when she had tried to escape Bellamy when he wouldn't let her leave camp, only this was much worse.

When she broke free, she only lasted a second before the grounder grabbed her and roughly pulled her back, laughing at her failed attempt to escape.

"Yu ste kwelen," he humorously said to her as all of the other grounders burst into laughter.

Clarke grimaced as the dirty rope cut into the skin on her wrists, which were held in front of her chest as a grounder securely tied them together.

Without warning, the grounders proceed to drag her through the woods by the rope on her wrists. She could see crimson blood staining the rope as the grounders unrelentingly forced her to move forward.

After much silence, one grounder stated, "Skaikru don jak eting op kom ai."

"Bilaik yu don tel ai op otaim, osir laik azgeda. Ai badan azgeda op en nou moun," another responded.

Clarke had no idea what the grounders were saying and they probably didn't want her to know either.

"Osir teik em kom kwin," the grounder who dragged her said as he pulled the rope with even more force.

 **A new chapter will be posted soon. I hope you all enjoyed this one!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Monty, let's go," Bellamy ordered as he roughly shoved one of the Ark's guns into Monty's hands, who was just waking up from his light slumber.

"Woah Bellamy," Monty remarked, just noticing the gun that Bellamy had placed into his arms. "Slow down. Where are we going?"

"Clarke's missing. She went outside to collect some water, but I'm pretty sure she used that as an excuse to leave camp," Bellamy explained. "Where's Jasper?"

Monty's face changed at the mention of Jasper. Ever since the group had returned from Mount Weather, Jasper had become hysterical after Maya's death. "Bellamy, I think that Jasper's going to have to miss out on this one."

"Alright fine," Bellamy said as he and Monty strode out of the Ark with their guns in hand.

Monty struggled to keep up as Bellamy's quick pace increased when they were outside. It was clear that the weather had changed somewhat dramatically in the past couple of minutes, it looked like a storm was heading their way. A blanket of never ending dreariness and darkness covered the expanse of the forest that Bellamy and Monty were heading towards.

Except it wouldn't be as easy as simply opening the gate that closed everybody in. Two Arkers dressed in guard uniforms blocked the entrance (or in this case the exit), their stolid and dour expressions fixating on Bellamy and Monty as they approached.

"What's the plan?" Monty whispered as Bellamy's pace began slowing down.

"There is none," he stated as he silently went to brush past the guards, only he wasn't able to. One of the guards stood in front of Bellamy and placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him from advancing, eyeing the gun that Bellamy carried in his right hand.

"Where do you think you're going?" the guard demanded, looking at Bellamy with an icy glare, which Bellamy returned. Bellamy was not intimidated by this guard, nor was he intimidated by the other one. He was going to get past those walls, no matter what it took.

"Outside," Bellamy's powerful voice echoed.

"Do you have the chancellor's permission?" the guard asked.

"Yes," Bellamy said, his voice showing no indication that it was a lie. Bellamy could lie when he needed to. He could lie for Clarke.

The other guard laughed, "Sorry, but we're going to need the chancellor to be here to confirm that."

Monty looked at Bellamy, trying to predict his next move.

"Is that gun you're carrying authorized?" the guard blocking Bellamy from the gate asked.

"What, this?" Bellamy asked as he held up the gun that he was carrying, observing it as he repositioned his hands on it. He held it by the front portion so that the butt of the gun was free.

"Yes, the gun you are carr-," the guard started saying before the butt of Bellamy's gun impacted his temple and he fell to the ground. The other guard looked surprised and immediately reached for his gun, but was too late and was knocked down by another one of Bellamy's hits.

Before anything else could get in their way, Bellamy and Monty managed to open the gate and sprinted out, heading for the forest.

Monty felt a few cold raindrops drop onto his skin as he struggled to keep up with Bellamy's running pace. "Really, Bellamy?"

"Monty, you saw those guards. There was no way that they were going to let us past without Abby's approval," Bellamy responded as his breathing got slightly heavier.

They had reached the forest and slowed down slightly, trying to recall where the stream was located. After navigating around several trees, Monty and Bellamy had spotted the stream, only nobody appeared to be there. As they approached even closer, they noticed a lifeless Raven, submerged in the stream.

"Raven!" Bellamy's deep voice echoed as he and Monty dashed towards her.

"Help me carry her out," Bellamy directed Monty before they both lifted her out of the stream and placed her on the mud bank surrounding it.

"Raven, can you hear me?" Bellamy pleaded as he shook her shoulder slightly.

No response.

Monty placed his head on her chest and looked up at Bellamy with a horrified expression, "She's not breathing."

 _Shoot_ , Bellamy thought. As much as he tried to keep it out of his mind, he had a slight inclination to believe that she was dead.

"Bellamy, we need to bring her to medical," Monty urged, his expression showing intense pain as he saw one of his own lying motionlessly on the ground.

Bellamy forlornly shifted his gaze onto Raven and sighed when he knew he had no choice. He had to help Monty bring Raven back to camp since he knew that Monty wouldn't be able to lift Raven on his own, at least quickly enough for her to be even considered somewhat revivable.

His eyes wandered off of Raven and what had soon replaced his line of vision surprised him. A few pairs of fresh footprints were imbedded in the slick mud a few feet in front of him. Eyeing the giant gash on Raven's temple, he knew that somebody must have done this to Raven. Grounders.

But his mind wouldn't leave his one burning question alone: _Where was Clarke?_ It was clear that whoever had done this to Raven had no use for her, since they had just left her to drown in the water. In the back of his mind, he knew that the grounders must have taken Clarke, but the reason as to why they would do this baffled him.

As Bellamy contemplated this, Monty became impatient, "Bellamy…"

Panic hadn't completely set in yet, however Bellamy could feel his heart rate and breathing increasing. Ultimately, he had to choose between Clarke or Raven. He cared about Raven, but Clarke… Words could not describe how he felt about her. He looked towards the pairs of footprints, one of which was most likely Clarke's, slowly disappating as the rain poured. It pained him deeply to know that Clarke was possibly out in the woods alone with grounders, but Bellamy didn't know if this was the case for sure. What he did know was that he might be able save Raven. He couldn't leave one of his own to die.

Having made up his mind, Bellamy picked up Raven in one swift motion. "Let's go," he said, with much less determination than before.

It had been a hard trek back to camp, especially when he sprinted through the forest as fast as he could carrying Raven, but at last he had made it to the front gates.

"Hey! We need medical!" Bellamy and Monty shouted as they approached the front gates.

Raven wasn't looking very good. Her face had gotten extremely pale and she still wasn't breathing, but all Bellamy had thought about was Clarke.

"Monty, make sure Abby takes care of Raven," Bellamy instructed. "I have to go find Clarke."

Earlier he thought that he had to choose between Clarke or Raven, but did he really have to?

xxx

Clarke slowly opened her eyes, taking a moment for her to register what had happened previously. She had remembered that rain was pouring down quite heavily, so that must have explained why she was currently in a type of shelter, but she hadn't been conscious long enough to know where she actually was. The grounders most likely wanted to keep the location of this dwelling a secret.

Taking in her surroundings, she could barely make out the shadows of her captors, huddled in the corner of the room while silently conversing in Trigedasleng. The room was quite dark except for the few things that the fire illuminated but to be quite honest, there wasn't much to see.

Clarke's hands were tied to some rigid material up above her head, but she wasn't exactly sure what is was. As she sat leaning against a wall, her whole entire body felt achy and bruised. All she could think about right now was Raven, who had innocently been hurt because the grounders had wanted her. _Again, somebody got hurt because of me,_ Clarke thought. She barely had the energy to think about the rest of her people, wondering if they even would notice if she was missing. Maybe her having kept such a low profile for the past few weeks had done more harm than good.

Throughout all this pondering, Clarke hadn't noticed that the grounders were slowly approaching her until they were only a few feet away from her exhausted body. Their expressions were so nonchalant as they glanced up and down at her body, inspecting her like she was an animal in a zoo. She tried to conceal how much she was trembling under the thick jacket she was wearing, but it was too hard for her to do in this moment of peril.

After speaking in their native tongue, the grounders laughed at Clarke's timidness, even though she tried to put on a strong face. To show emotion was to be weak.

Speaking in English for the pure amusement of scaring their subject, one grounder growled as he ran his hand over Clarke's cheek, "We might as well have some fun with her before we hand her over to the queen."

 **Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it (or not), be sure to write a review. I feel that I could really use some constructive criticism! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Cautiously navigating his way around the dark underground station, Bellamy heard faint murmurs and heavy breathing. He had followed the footprints as best as he could, but the pouring rain had washed away a lot of it so he could just be walking into a trap right now. There was no way to be sure that he looking in the right place for Clarke, but he had to try.

"Please," a familiar voice sounded. "Stop." It was Clarke's. That was all the confirmation that Bellamy needed to walk further towards the voices.

He tried to keep his footsteps as quiet as possible as he neared towards several figures whose shadows were able to be seen by the faint light that a small fire gave off. Bellamy noticed their strong and overwhelming statures and knew instantly that these were probably grounders.

They all were surrounding something, or someone.

The silence in the room was unbearable. One wrong move and the grounders would see Bellamy and not hesitate to attack him.

When one of the standing grounders shifted his weight, Bellamy could get a faint glimpse of blonde hair. The grounders were all surrounding Clarke.

Bellamy lifted his gun and pointed it at the grounders, poised to attack.

"What the hell are you doing to her!" Bellamy bellowed as he caught sight of the grounders, who were encircled around an exhausted looking Clarke. Her clothes were ripped off of her bruised and battered body and now were laying on the floor. Her arms were tied above her head, which hung down as she looked as hopeless as ever.

Clarke heard his voice and slightly lifted her head up to see him, barely being able to do that because of the weak condition she was in. She hated that Bellamy was here, seeing her like this.

All Bellamy wanted to do was get her out of this mess. His blood boiled as he saw the grounders pathetic faces when they turned around to face him.

Bellamy's eyes wandered to the floor, away from Clare's helpless body. He couldn't stand to see her like this.

"Well, well, well. Looks like someone actually wants to rescue this worthless bitch." one of the grounders hissed as he cautiously approached Bellamy, whose gun was trained on him. It took all the restraint in the world for Bellamy not to kill the grounder right then.

Clarke saw the desperation in Bellamy's eyes, but was distracted when the grounder next to her swiftly grabbed a dagger off of the ground. She faintly heard the blade scrape against the ground and immediately feared for Bellamy's life.

The grounders were going to kill him.

Luckily, the other grounders looked to be unarmed at the moment and just stood in silence, watching the interaction.

"You animals," Bellamy spat with thick disgust prevalent in his tone.

His finger slowly pressed against the trigger.

Clarke took a deep breath and managed to get out a few words, "Bellamy… Don't."

Bellamy ignored Clarke. He knew that she would want him to leave, but he wouldn't do that.

A shot rang out and the dead grounder fell at Bellamy's feet, the fast accumulating pool of blood ran in all directions. The remaining grounders all glared at Bellamy, all in shock from what they just had witnessed.

"You're going to wish you hadn't done that," the grounder carrying the dagger smirked as he grabbed Clarke's arm and pressed the dagger on it. Crimson liquid spilled out as the grounder dragged the weapon along her arm, pressing lightly.

"You're not going to kill her," Bellamy realized, hoping he was right. The grounders wouldn't have hesitated to slice Clarke's throat if she wasn't important to them. They needed her for something.

"Oh, but we can hurt her. More than we already have."

Bellamy lifted his gun, preparing to shoot again. Whatever these grounders had done to her, they would pay for it.

The grounders surprisingly looked less confident, even though they were extremely skillful in combat. They had realized that, unarmed, they would be no match against Bellamy, who wielded a gun. However, the grounders saw the effect hurting Clarke had on him.

"Leave now, and we won't hurt the girl anymore," the grounder with the dagger announced. He had now switched sides and positioned himself near Clarke's other arm, his hand ready to make another mark on her skin if he needed to.

"And leave her here alone with you? Hell no."

"Bellamy," Clarke started to say. "Leave. Now."

She deserved to be hurt and punished for all she had done. For killing Finn, for killing all those people at Mount Weather, for being the reason that Raven could possibly be dead.

"I can't… I can't do that, Clarke. I won't do that."

In response, the grounder dragged the blade against the delicate skin on her other arm. Bellamy's eyes flickered with rage before he looked down, unable to watch.

He shook his head and positioned his gun at the grounder, shooting him. The other grounders' eyes widened as they saw the grounder fall to the ground.

Clarke could hear the commotion going on around her, but she could feel herself fading, her ears were ringing and her vision was spotted.

With only the pure motivation of getting Clarke out, Bellamy began to shoot the other grounders. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get Clarke out if these grounders were alive and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he left Clarke here.

Before he knew it, he saw himself surrounded by several dead grounder corpses, not one was alive.

It took a few seconds for him to digest what he just did, but overcome by his desire to get Clarke out, he rushed towards her side. Bellamy gingerly placed his hand on her cheek, lifted her hanging head, and noticed that she was barely conscious.

He first cut Clarke's hands loose from the rope that was holding her arms above her head. Picking up her arm, he examined the cut that the grounder had made into her skin. It wasn't deep, but Bellamy knew that he needed to get her back to medical quickly.

He picked up her clothes, which lay scattered on the floor and quickly dressed her, feeling extremely guilty for not protecting her from this. If she wasn't broken before all of this had happened, she certainly was now.

Shrugging off his jacket, he wrapped Clarke's fragile body in it, whose eyes were barely open.

"Why did you…" Clarke weakly began to say.

"Shhh. Don't talk," Bellamy urged as he ripped off a strip of fabric from the bottom of his shirt. Gently, he wrapped her wounds with the fabric, but to his dismay, her blood was already soaking through them. He stared at his hands, which were covered in Clarke's blood.

"I need to get you out of here," Bellamy uttered as he lifted Clarke up in his arms, prepared to carry her back home.

 **Author's Note: Sorry that this chapter isn't very long, but regardless I hope you enjoyed! Be sure to leave a review if you have any feedback. Next chapter you get to see how Bellamy will comfort Clarke and try bring her back to a more stable mental state.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Please, I need to see her," Bellamy pleaded.

"She needs to get rest," Abby explained, blocking the entrance to medical.

"You were just about to go in. Whatever you were about to do, just let me help."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you do that."

"If it wasn't for me, she would still be out there," Bellamy responded, raising his voice.

Abby continued to stand firmly in place in front of the entrance, not giving in to Bellamy's pleas.

"Look, you… you weren't there," Bellamy exhaled, releasing a shaky breath. "She needs somebody, so _please_ just let me see her."

Abby took a contemplative look at Bellamy and sighed. "Ok fine. She needs her wounds cleaned. And make sure she's eaten something."

Bellamy nodded before entering the room.

The medical room was relatively neat and organized, each item had it's own special place. It made it easy to spot Clarke, who sat on the medical examination table in silence, keeping her eyes trained on the cluttered space surrounding her.

Bloody bandages littered the floor around her and many suturing tools lay scattered about, away from their designated spots. Bellamy even noticed the strips of fabric from his shirt on the floor, which he had used earlier to wrap Clarke's wounds.

Clarke didn't even look human. Her blonde hair was wild, the previously neat locks were tangled and caked with mud. The blue eyes that sat on her stolid face were stone cold and unyielding. Blood caked the ragged green shirt that Clarke had been wearing, which she hadn't taken off since she was brought back home.

Picking up a clean blue washcloth off of the medical table, Bellamy dipped it into a bucket of water and let some water run out of it after he raised it up. Clarke glared at Bellamy throughout the duration of this. He ignored her and walked over, taking in the sight of her slumped over body and disheveled hair. She was still wearing his jacket and looked like she had been sitting there for a while.

He reached for her wounded arm and automatically Clarke pulled her arm away from his grasp. Bellamy sighed.

"I need to clean this," he said, trying to meet her gaze before trying one more time.

Once again, Clarke pulled away her arm, preventing Bellamy from touching her.

"Clarke."

When Bellamy said her name, Clarke didn't even look up or blink. She just kept her eyes focused on the ground and her wounded arms crossed in front of her chest.

Trying a different approach, Bellamy kneeled and lowered himself down to Clarke's level, inching his hand very slowly towards her's. Gently he engulfed her palm in his hand and slowly uncrossed her arms.

This time Clarke didn't resist, but she said nothing.

Before going to clean her wound, Bellamy focused his gaze on Clarke's eyes and hoped to get her to look at him. After a few seconds with no eye contact, he knew it was hopeless so he lightly held her forearm steady and began to remove the bandage from her arm.

As he unwrapped the bandage, Bellamy saw the fresh stitches which held the wound together. He slowly inched the washcloth towards the afflicted area and gingerly dabbed the washcloth onto the cut.

Looking at what the grounders had done to Clarke was incredibly upsetting to Bellamy. Besides the prominent cut marks from the knife that the grounders had used, there were visible bruises and scrapes all over both of her arms.

Bellamy paused and closed his eyes, trying to contain the anger and rage he felt towards the grounders for doing this to Clarke.

The room was silent for several minutes while Bellamy completed the task, unable to find the right words to say to Clarke.

"Alright, it's done," Bellamy muttered as he slowly stood up and placed the washcloth on the table next to Clarke.

He expectantly looked at Clarke, but to his disappointment she hadn't made eye contact with him.

"Look at me Clarke," Bellamy asked in a steady voice.

No response.

He turned around and took a few steps towards the exit when he heard Clarke's voice for the first time since they had returned home.

"Why the _hell_ did you do it?" Clarke spat out as she narrowed her eyes, keeping them focused on the ground.

"Do what?" Bellamy asked, retreating a few steps.

"Save me," she retorted, finally moving her gaze up at him. She said these words with so much disgust, as if they were the most horrific thing in the world.

Bellamy took a minute to take in what she was saying. He approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder, which she aggressively shrugged off.

"Don't touch me," Clarke snapped.

Bellamy didn't know how to respond, so he just pulled his hand away in silence and tried to read her expression.

"I deserved this."

"Is that what you think? Clarke…" Bellamy said with an outstretched hand, which Clarke had rejected once again.

"Stop pushing me away," he firmly stated, trying to prevent his frustration from seeping out.

"You weren't supposed to save me!"

"I heard you down there, Clarke. You were pleading with them to stop."

"Just because I wanted them to stop doesn't mean I didn't deserve it. And now those grounders are dead because of me."

"Dead because of you? Clarke, they were…" Bellamy couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Yes Bellamy. They died because of me. If I wasn't alive, those grounders wouldn't have taken me and you wouldn't have had to kill them."

"You're ignoring the fact that they attacked you," Bellamy said as he tried to keep a steady voice.

Bellamy couldn't believe Clarke's twisted logic.

"Clarke… What the hell did they do to you?"

Instead of coming up with a quick response like she had been doing, Clarke returned her gaze back to the ground and sat in silence, her breathing getting heavier.

"Finn, victims of the bomb explosion at Tondc, everybody in Mount Weather, and Raven are now all dead because of me. Everyone's blood is on my hands," Clarke shakily said while keeping her eyes focused on the floor.

"Clarke, Raven isn't dead. Monty and I found her and brought her back to camp. She's just… not responsive."

"So Raven is in a coma because of me? She's as good as dead. Nobody fully recovers after spending that much time submerged in water. And even if she was alive, that's just one less out of the many people that I've killed."

"Are you hearing yourself right now?" Bellamy asked as he tried not to lose his temper. All he wanted was to be there for Clarke, but it was hard for him to do so if she didn't want him to be.

"I don't care what I sound like. I don't care what you, or anybody else, thinks of me."

Bellamy's gaze drifted off and he noticed a full plate of food, consisting of berries and some meat, sat on the table a few feet away from Clarke. She should get some food in her system.

"Here," Bellamy said as he picked up the plate and brought it over to her, "Eat"

Clarke wrinkled her nose at the offer and looked at the full plate of food, which had been sitting in the room for a while.

"It's not a suggestion Clarke. It's an order," Bellamy firmly stated, picking up on her unwillingness to look at the food, much less eat it.

"I don't need you to take care of me," Clarke said defiantly, whipping the plate out of Bellamy's hand.

"Okay, fine. Just eat something," Bellamy said as he got up to leave. Before leaving the room, he took one last look at Clarke, who had just placed the full plate of food on the table next to her, clearly refusing to eat.

Bellamy shook his head and strode out of the room. All he wanted to do was help her, but how could she receive help if she didn't even want it?


	7. Chapter 7

"Clarke, you shouldn't be here," Bellamy said as he grabbed her wrist, pulling her away. Clarke had just walked in the room where Raven, still unresponsive, was laying motionless.

Bellamy had a tight grip on her arm, but was extremely careful not to place his hands on her wound. She pulled back and tried to get her arm loose, but Bellamy continued to drag her with him, not affected by her struggle to break free. He wasn't going to let her feel anymore guilt if he could help it.

"Bellamy let me go!" she screamed, continuing to fight against his grip.

Bellamy said nothing and continued on walking towards the medical entrance steadily, occasionally faltering when Clarke's strength got the best of him.

When they had finally entered medical, Bellamy let go of Clarke, who had been trying to pull away with so much force that she stumbled forward a bit.

Pure hatred was gleaming in Clarke's eyes when she looked at Bellamy, who stood a few feet away from her, planted in front of the exit. But the hatred wasn't directed towards Bellamy; it was directed towards herself.

Clarke had so much pent up emotions and they finally seemed to be surfacing after so much time of holding them in.

"She is like this because of me!" Clarke shouted, taking a few angry steps towards Bellamy.

"No, Clarke. It was the grounders. The grounders did this to her." Bellamy said, trying to get through to her.

"You don't understand. The grounders did this to Raven to get to _me_. _I_ was the one they wanted."

Bellamy stared, unsure of what to say. Clarke was right. The grounders had been looking for her. But she was not to be blamed for what had happened to Raven. Clarke wasn't the one who left her to die.

Clarke stared into Bellamy's eyes for a few seconds, the longest she had since she'd been home. Something flickered in her eyes and her breathing had become significantly heavier. She began to look increasingly flustered, pacing back and forth, not knowing what to do with herself.

Bellamy could see that she was starting to reach her breaking point. She looked like she was a bomb, ready to explode at any moment, and he didn't know what to do or say to her to get her to calm down.

A loud clang sounded throughout the room as Clarke kicked over the table that was sitting next to the medical examination table. The untouched plate of food as well as a full cup of water crashed to the ground with the table, spilling everywhere. The water and food got all over Clarke's boots, but she was too entrenched in deep emotion to even notice.

It wasn't long until Clarke moved onto the corner of the room, where bottles of pills and medical supplies were located. With a large medical tool that she had picked up, she started breaking the glass that the supplies were situated behind. Once she got past the glass, she swept her hand across the shelf, letting all of the bottles fall to the floor.

This destruction had gone on for quite some time until Bellamy finally couldn't take it anymore. He knew that she needed to get her feelings out, even if it was in this destructive manner, but at this point he couldn't watch Clarke like this anymore.

"Are you done now?" Bellamy asked, taking a few steps towards her.

Clarke continued to mess the room up, trying to find anything to get her hands on to destroy.

"Clarke?" Bellamy warily stepped towards her and kept his eye on her, afraid of what she might do next.

She stopped for a few seconds until her eyes landed on an open first aid kit. The kit was extremely cluttered, which Clarke made worse when she began to rummage through it, clearly trying to find something.

Her eyes landed on a pair of metal scissors, used for cutting bandages and sutures. Bellamy could see by the way that she picked them up and examined them that this wasn't the item that she was looking for.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bellamy shouted as Clarke feverently grabbed a chunk of her blonde hair and snipped into it.

Bellamy watched as a few inches of hair fell to the ground and it sunk in that Clarke was going off the rails. Somebody needed to stop her before she could do anything stupid. She clearly wasn't in her right mind.

"Clarke, you need to _calm down_ ," Bellamy urged, taking a few silent steps towards her.

Clarke threw the scissors down on the ground with a loud clang and began furiously searching the first aid kit once again, blocking Bellamy out of her head.

At first Bellamy was confused, but his heart immediately started racing when he saw Clarke take the plastic wrap off of a razor-sharp, unused scalpel. Her hands were shaking so violently that he could see it from where he was standing, which was at least ten feet away.

"You don't want to do this," Bellamy warned, taking a few more steps forward.

Clarke kept her eyes trained on the blade, inspecting the sleek metal tool, not noticing how close Bellamy had been getting to her.

She began to invert the blade towards herself, not quite sure if or where she would make a cut. Her hand was so unsteady that it wouldn't matter where she would want the blade to land. She wouldn't be able to be accurate with this much shakiness.

Clarke was trying to deal with her emotions by hurting herself.

"I'm not standing by while you destroy yourself. I'm not going to let you." Bellamy said as he grabbed both of Clarke's wrists in his hands and held them firmly in front of her chest. The knife was still in Clarke's hand, which was steadied by Bellamy's firm grip on her wrist. He could feel her violently trembling as he held on.

"Let me help you," Bellamy softly said as he let go of one of Clarke's arms that wasn't holding the scalpel. Slowly moving his free hand, he lightly placed his hand around Clarke's, which was loosely gripping the lethal instrument.

"Do you trust me?" Bellamy asked as he looked deeply into Clarke's eyes, waiting for any type of response.

There were a few seconds of deafening silence before Clarke slightly nodded, returning Bellamy's eye contact as her hands slowly loosened their grip from the blade.

He gently took the blade from her, cautiously removing it from her hands so that it wouldn't accidently cut her. Clarke watched him as he quickly placed the instrument down on one of the destroyed shelves.

When Bellamy turned around, he saw the look of defeat on Clarke's face. Her hair was uneven and a complete mess, her clothes were stained with blood, and her skin was covered in dirt.

Knowing that he needed to comfort her, he slowly approached her and engulfed her in a hug, which she hadn't rejected. In fact, Clarke had welcomed it as she sunk into Bellamy's embrace.

"Let's get you cleaned up," Bellamy remarked after he pulled away.

 **Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! These previous chapters were very Bellamy and Clarke heavy, which I love writing. I know that I have briefly included a few characters into the story, but they haven't had any super major roles in the plot. Do you like the story to focus primarily on Bellamy and Clarke or would you guys like it better for me to have other characters play a larger part in the storyline? If you would like to, you can leave your answer as a review, I would love to hear your input!**

 **Finally, I would like to mention that the song that helped me write this chapter was "Please Don't Go" by Joel Adams.**


	8. Chapter 8

"What happened in here?" Abby exclaims with an expression of shock.

"Everything is fine," Bellamy quietly murmured. "She just needs to be cleaned up."

Abby began to take a few steps towards the entrance.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"And why is that? She is my daughter, I have a right to see her," Abby worriedly said, determined to see Clarke.

"Look, she needs some time to emotionally process everything. I think she needs some time to be left alone, she doesn't want to face anybody right now."

Abby opens her mouth to protest, but knows that she can't fight Bellamy on this one. She had picked up on the connection between Bellamy and Clarke ever since Clarke had escaped from Mouth Weather. Despite the fact that she was Clarke's mother, she knew that Bellamy had been there for Clarke throughout everything. "Did you change her bandages?"

"Yes."

"Did she get some food in her system?"

"I'm working on it…"

"Ok, make sure you do. She is in a weak condition and she needs to regain her strength."

Bellamy nodded and began to turn back into the room, but Abby reached for his arm and made him face her.

"Bellamy… What happened to her out there?"

Bellamy's head instinctively faced downwards, not wanting to recall the memories. He didn't know if he should be sharing what had happened to Clarke. What if she didn't want anybody to know?

"She… A grounder came and tried to kill her, but she got away," Bellamy lied.

"Why did the grounder want to kill Clarke?" Abby asked.

"I don't know," Bellamy responded, hoping she would stop asking questions.

"Ok, well maybe in a few days Clarke will tell us more and be able to remember more."

"Yeah. Maybe…"

Abby turned to leave but hesitated. "Bellamy… Thank you for taking care of her."

Bellamy nodded with appreciation and turned back into the room.

By this time, Clarke had risen out of her chair and was looking over the mess that she had made.

"Don't worry about that. We can clean it up later."

Clarke turned around, slightly surprised since she hadn't heard Bellamy enter the room. Before she could say anything, he lifted up a chair that had been knocked over by her and set it down.

"Sit," Bellamy gently said as he gestured towards the metal chair.

Clarke obediently sat, but looked as if she had something to say. Bellamy grabbed a bucket of water and placed it on the table next to him, which was situated near the chair that Clarke was sitting in.

Now facing Clarke, he kneeled down to her level and examined her face. It was covered in blood and dirt; her face was barely recognizable.

Dipping a rag into the bucket of water, he slowly inched his hand towards her face and swiped the grime that covered her left cheek. His face carried a concentrated expression as he conducted his hand to be as delicate and gentle as possible on her face.

"Why are you doing this?" Clarke curiously asked in a hushed tone, breaking the ominous silence that had accompanied them. Her tone had changed from before. Instead of it being bitter and resentful, it was lighter, expressing a hint of gratitude.

"You've been through a lot." Bellamy said, continuing to clean her face. But he knew that was only a small part of it; he knew the real reason. He was just too afraid to admit it.

Bellamy could hear Clarke's slight breathing as she stared into his deep brown eyes, which he had only known that she had been doing when he briefly looked into hers while he was cleaning her face.

He cleared his throat, breaking the tension. "Ok, it's done."

Standing up, he surveyed her one last time and noticed her dragging her hands through her hair, trying to force the tangles out.

"Let me help with that," Bellamy said, pulling up a chair and positioned it behind her.

Clarke looked back at him and furrowed her eyebrows, confused at the way he was acting. This was not normal Bellamy Blake behavior.

"Shit," Bellamy muttered as he just had noticed the large chunk of uneven hair, which lay considerably shorter on Clarke's left cheek.

"What? Is my hair that bad?" Clarke feigned surprise and let out a slight laugh. To be honest, she didn't really care about what her hair looked like, even though she had sort of regretted taking scissors to it during her mental breakdown.

"Princess, you don't even know," Bellamy said humorously, gently working his fingers through the blonde tangles.

Clarke was so surprised when he used that nickname since it had been so long since he had used it. This seemed like one of the most normal conversations Clarke has had since everything had happened. And Clarke needed things to be back to normal. But she knew in the back of her head that nothing would ever be back to normal after what everyone has been through. What even was normal to her anymore? Just about two months ago, she was miles up in space, locked in confinement and coming to terms with the fact that she was going to die on her eighteenth birthday.

Clarke leaned forward abruptly, which caught Bellamy by surprise, and reached for the med kit scissors that still were laying on the ground.

Without saying anything, she handed him the scissors which he hesitantly took. His eyes swept over her disheveled blonde hair and lingered at the ends.

"You want me to fix it?"

Clarke nodded.

"Alright, well… I don't know how good I'll be. I've cut Octavia's hair a few times but it's been awhile. Are you sure?"

"Nothing you could do would mess it up any further than I already have. I trust you."

Trust. _She trusts me_.

Bellamy made sure to only take the bare minimum amount off of her hair in order to fix the unevenness. He made quick work of it, starting on the left side. Every time he changed directions, he moved the chair he was sitting in so he could get a better angle. Clarke could feel a blush creeping on as Bellamy fingers accidentally brushed the back of her neck.

It was actually quite nice, to be focused on something that didn't involved the constant task of trying to stay alive. Realization sunk in when Bellamy recognized that this was one of the very few times where he and Clarke were interacting when it wasn't a life or death situation. But so much had happened that even that fact alone couldn't make him feel better, especially after all they had been through when the dropship landed.

By the time he was finished, her hair was situated at her collarbone, a few inches shorter than it had previously been. Clarke didn't know if Bellamy had done a good job or not because she didn't have a mirror, but she trusted him.

"I'll be right back," Bellamy said as he noticed Clarke was still wearing the blood soaked shirt.

When he was gone, Clarke took the opportunity to run her hands through her new hair, which felt much better than it had before. She felt liberated.

"Here, take these." Bellamy threw a simple grey shirt and some black pants at her. "I'll step out. You should get out of those clothes."

Bellamy turned to leave but was stopped by Clarke's voice.

"Bellamy, wait," Clarke weakly spoke. "I just wanted to thank you… For everything."

"No problem, princess."

 **Author's Note: Wow, it has been a while since I've written, which I am extremely sorry for. Now that season three has ended, I need a way to get through the hiatus and also I forgot how much I enjoy writing this story. Next chapter, Bellamy and Clarke are going to discuss their feelings about what they had to do at Mount Weather and she will finally have some interaction with her mother.**

 **I also want to mention that more characters are going to make an appearance down the line, just to name two, Lexa and Octavia.**

 **Any suggestions are gladly welcomed :)**


	9. Chapter 9

"Eat," Bellamy lightly said as he set the plate in front of Clarke.

He expectantly watched her as her eyes scanned the bright scarlet berries.

Clarke hadn't been in the mood to eat for the past few days after everything that had happened, but she now realized just how hungry she was. Eyeing the berries that sat in front of her, she finally reached out and picked one up, placing it on her tongue and letting the sweet taste explode on her tongue. She closed her eyes for a split second, enjoying the presence of food in her body.

Bellamy watched in silence as she hungrily ate the rest of the berries. It was good to finally see her eating something. When Clarke finished scarfing down the food, she licked her fingers eagerly, making sure to get every drop of juice into her mouth.

"I'll get you more," Bellamy stated as he began to get up from the chair he was sitting in.

"No, wait Bellamy. It's okay, I don't need more right now," Clarke replied. She didn't want Bellamy to do everything for her; she wanted to stop feeling useless.

"Okay," he said as he sat back down and faced her. It seemed like quite a few seconds of silence before anyone spoke. "Do you want to talk?"

Clarke swallowed hard and felt a lump forming in her throat. Before a large, shaky sigh she managed to get out a few words. "Just please don't tell anybody what happened?"

"Of course I won't. The only thing that I told your mother was that some grounders were trying to kill you."

Clarke nodded in appreciation, but looks at the floor as if she has something to be ashamed of.

"Clarke… Back at Mount Weather. We did what we had to do," Bellamy softly said, knowing that bringing it up might be a mistake. But maybe talking about it would help Clarke and him move past it.

"That doesn't take the guilt of murdering hundreds of innocents away," Clarke bitterly spat as she looked at the floor.

"Clarke, the Mountain Men were about to murder your mother. Everyone we love was at risk in that mountain."

"But don't you think that the Mountain Men had people that they loved? Families? We killed _everybody_ in that mountain," Clarke said, a mixture of guilt and disgust prevalent in her tone.

Bellamy knew that she was right. He had allies in that mountain, people who helped him. But it was either his people or their people. And as he once told Clarke, who you are and who you need to be to survive are two very different things.

"It was either our people or their people, Clarke. There was no way we would have gotten our friends out if we hadn't irradiated the level."

"And we chose our people. We killed 382 people to save less than 48 of ours."

This statement hit home with Clarke when she said it. _She killed 382 people to save less than 48 of her own._ She killed a hell of a lot more people than she had saved.

Bellamy reacted to this statement in a similar way. They both had been thinking it, but Clarke saying the numbers made it so much more real.

"And what about Maya? If it wasn't for her, we would have had no chance of escaping. Jasper loved her and now she is just gone. And her dad… he was murdered for helping us. How the hell are we supposed to deal with this Bellamy?" Clarke asked, as her hands shook uncontrollably.

"I don't know Clarke. But all I know is that if it wasn't for you, none of us would have survived. Our people need you Clarke."

After a few seconds of silence, Clarke spoke in a barely audible voice. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" he gently asked as he placed his hand on Clarke's forearm to comfort and reassure her. He had no idea what she was about to say; He didn't think that she had anything to feel sorry about.

"For trying to leave camp. For trying to abandon everyone and leave you to-" Clake rambled as she ripped her hand out of Bellamy's comforting touch.

"You are here now. That's all that matters," Bellamy said as he placed his hand back on Clarke's forearm. Clarke looked up at Bellamy, watching his dark brown eyes. They sat there for a few seconds, despite the rushing footsteps that were approaching the entrance to medical.

Abby came bursting into medical and her eyes landed on Bellamy and Clarke, who seemed to be having a moment. "Clarke?"

"Mom?" Clarke got up from her chair, walking as fast as she could, still in pain from her wounds, and enveloped her mother into an embrace. While this was happening, Bellamy also got up from his chair and picked up the empty plate, which he was getting ready to take out of the room to give Clarke and her mother some time to talk.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you," Abby struggled to get out as her voice broke.

"It's okay," Clarke responded, trying to be strong, as she pulled away from her mother.

"There's something I need to tell you, and I know that this is probably not the best time," Abby hesitantly stated.

Abby sighed. "Lexa is outside with a few grounder guards waiting at the main entrance."

"What does she want?" Bellamy asked, setting the plate down. His question came out of curiousity, but it was hard to mistake the hint of bitterness that resided in his voice. Bellamy hadn't had much interaction with Lexa, but he resented her for her betrayal at Mount Weather. If Lexa hadn't betrayed their people, he and Clarke would have never had to commit the genocide of hundreds of innocent lives. Despite this, he also understood why Lexa did what she had to do and why she placed her people before his. It was an easy choice really and if his people had been offered the same choice, they probably would have taken it.

"I'm not sure. She simply demanded that she speak to Clarke. But Clarke, you don't have to do this if you don't want to," Abby explained as she placed her hand on Clarke's forearm for reassurance.

"How dare she come here after what said did…," Clarke muttered after pushing past her mother out of medical.

Clarke thought that she would never have to see Lexa again after she left her people to fend for themselves on the mountain. Part of her really didn't want to see her, but the other part of her wanted to show Lexa how angry she was at her for betraying them.

"Wait, Clarke. Think about this. Is this really a smart thing to do?" Bellamy asked as he followed Clarke out of medical, trying to keep up with her fast walking pace.

"Bellamy, I have to talk to her. I need to see what she wants," she replied, continuing to keep up her fast walking pace.

"Okay, but I'm coming with you."

 **Author's Note: Thanks for reading! As you probably have guessed, Lexa is going to make an appearance in the next chapter, so look forward to that :) A new update will be coming soon. I'd love to hear some feedback from everyone- reviews make me write a lot faster.**


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